esthee

2010-09-11T01:01:00.000+08:00

The stupid class was cancelled so I made my way home, early enough to catch a little bit of TV before I hit my pillow. So I sat down and watched the 911 special documentary on History Channel and it featured phonecalls made from the tower after the crash and before it came down. It was heart-wrenching watching families relieving the account, how they picked up (or missed and listened to the voicemail), hearing the last words of a beloved one, saying their goodbyes. It was devastating. They exchanged 'I love you' and some tried to sound as calm as they could and promised to call back once they're safe again. And there was nothing the family members could do, except sit by the phone waiting in fear, and perhaps nervously watching the live news only to see the buildings crashing down one after another right before their eyes.

How brave of those who reassured their loved ones they were safe, and they would call again. I suppose they could see the devastation for themselves, the fumes, the walls coming down, the screams, the terror and the people jumping down above outside of their windows. How much hope did they really carry about making it out alive? I don't know. But till this day, I count my blessings that no one in my life has met with anything like this.

Sometimes things like these make you realize the vulnerability of life. It inflicts a sort of sharp pain on your soul, and you wonder if there's any wrong in your that you might want to make right. Family members whom you don't always cherish and more often than not, take for granted. Friendships that were broken and never mended. Or people that crossed your path in life, had laughters and joy with, but due to the conveniences of life, you ceased to keep in touch with. Would you find that these are regrets in your life? Or knowing that, you would still choose the conveniences of life?

2010-08-28T23:09:00.002+08:00

Belated entry for this year there was a distinct lack of enthusiasm. Apathy would be a more apt word. I think the birthdays after the 21st would just be the exact opposite of the ones before 21st. It was like a "oh, another year gone by" to me, no hyped up parties or whatsoever. But I was nevertheless still content with the cosy and warm affair with my dearest ones.

My surprise cake at the bf's house. A plan which i saw through but was still caught by surpise. His parents joined in the celebration too! :))

Sushi lunch with yk, verlao and simon. Pictures of only our favourites.

Then another surprise cake by sis and mum.

And the best present in the world......!

A very good present i must say! :))

I want to capture every moment of this cuteness. But there's so much of it that I get everyday and at times, I just laugh them away and forget all about it because his next eccentric antic would surface almost rightaway. I want to remember all of them

but I guess I already lost count.

This is only one of the many special momets, but definitely on my favourite list. :)

sunsaengnim

2010-08-22T02:20:00.000+08:00

Facebook chat message with my Korean Dance professor from my exchange:

Jin Sook Yang0.Jin Sook Yang.Clear Chat History

12:16amMe

but i only teach very simple hiphop
teaching amateurs
so they wont be able to tell i can't teach well :)

12:17amJin
you are great and you love dance
and also ur personality is lovable
that means u r perfect to teach dance!!!
hahaha
i'm following u!

12:17amMe
no no nooooo
please don't say that!
haha but thank you so much seonsaengnim!

12:18amMe

you're so much more awesome, you insipre me!

12:18amJin

wish u were here
haha
what are we doing!!!
lol
come to korea
or i will go to you someday
^^
so we can talk who's better! ok???

12:19amMe

yes please!
i can't go to korea anytime soon
i'm a broke student now
:(

12:20amJin

haha
u r so cute!!!
ur bf is lucky

12:20amMe

please come to singapore, i'll be your private tour guide for free!

12:20amJin

yei!!!
when is good time for u?
winter time?

12:21amMe

december would be the best time because sch term ends

12:21amJin

right

12:21amMe

yes yes :)

12:21amMe

i'll be on vacation
but if you can come on other times, i'll try my best to take you around every free time i have on hand!

12:21amJin

i will make a plan to get there any time soon esther~

12:22amMe

yay i'm excited :)

12:22amJin

haha me too :))

12:22amMe
Many people are much stronger than me, so I'm really not very good at all.

12:32amJin

u r good enough
plz teach me later
ok?
:)

She's my dance teacher from Soonchunhyang Uni (the school i attended for my recent exchange program) and I can't say more how much I respect her as a dancer and as a teacher. She's really young and pretty but more importantly, she's the most patient and open-minded dance teacher I've ever had. She's sincere and she encourages every student, giving her students unimaginable space for creativity, even if it means butchering her choreography or intended techiniques/flavour. I think a broad mind is exactly the kind of characteristic a teacher needs. A student who learns your steps doesn't necessarily need to it your style. Because each and every dancer has the right to interpret the music in his/her own way. I think this is one thing that many of us dancers lack too. We are so focused on getting the steps right, we lose ourselves into the steps, when we really should be losing ourselves into the music.

okay, preaching on dance aside, my dance teacher is so cute isn't she? :)

She's the sort of person who leaves an impact on your life once she crosses your path and I aspire to be someone like her. ^^

2010-08-21T02:13:00.001+08:00

simon says:
and you are my xiang xiang princess. :)

oh so happy

2010-08-16T23:40:00.000+08:00

Oh so happy.
Oh so so happy.
Oh so so so happy.

Because a sweet loving boy appeared at my doorstep in the midst of dinner with a bouquet of flowers, and a hand-made album filled with memories from our overseas trip.

I might have been happier some other day before in my life, but today's a happy one for as long as I can remember.
:)

teaching dance

2010-08-15T01:49:00.000+08:00

I should note this down before it slips my mind like the past few weeks already did.

The vacation's been a luxury. Feels like an extended holiday since my return from overseas, well spent on one after another episode of South Park and Heroes, lying on bed reading the musty pages of library books, meeting dear ones to rattle away for hours, going to work but not dreading it (for once), having the time to travel to the bf's place to cuddle together for coffee, chips and movies, and even going on discounted lunchtime buffets with his parents. These are things I've not done in the longest time ever.

I must say though, that I appreciate every single moment of such idling.

How nice if only things could stay this way, but I know reality's call isn't anything I can avoid. There's school to go back to, there's my study loan I need to start working towards paying back, there are things I missed out on that needs to be catched up on.

One I can start with is by clearing my luggage that still lies on the floor of my living room. :S

But anyways, so far the highlight ever since i got back to life here, is teaching dance at various places and having the people taking my class tell me that they've really enjoyed it and would like to know where I usually teach at so they can attend my class there.
It makes me beam. Not really with pride, but a satisfying sort of feeling. Satisfied with myself for that 1 hour spent, satisfied that the customers were satisfied. :)

happiness

2010-08-08T17:22:00.000+08:00

Because I've been happy like a bird.

I feel my wings take flight and the cool breeze through my toes.
The warmth of the sun on my face,
The gentle touch of one's fingertips.

I think life is not the same anymore.

Dance!

2010-08-03T02:04:00.000+08:00

A just decided but very firm resolution of mine - WORK TOWARDS ABS!

Because...
they're gonna be on display soon!
Abs coming to you in September.
*muahaha*

I am so inspired.... so very motivated now. Please don't let it die. pleaseeeee.

On a side note,
the bf was so very sweet to come all the way to my workplace to pick me up after work in spite of my firm reluctance.
Put a smile on my face throughout the rest of the difficult day at work. =)

Dance

2010-08-02T01:36:00.000+08:00

The dancing aside (for we already know how dope and sick these people are), why do they have to be so goddamn hot?! Life is unfair. How can anyone have such charming good looks, have such figures-to-die-for, and still be so talented?

I think watching this helped me to find back the passion that once burned so fiercely.

Love

2010-07-31T01:04:00.001+08:00

Love is like a Roller Coaster ride.

by Paula T. (Age: 17)
copyright 07-29-2004

Love is like a roller coaster ride
It has its up and downs.

Love is like a roller coaster ride
It can make you nauseous or it can be real sweet.

Love is like a roller coaster ride
you don't always know what to expect.
But once you find the perfect one.....
You wanna go again.

taken from: http://www.prose-n-poetry.com/display_work/13684

My very own description of a roller-coaster is one that I utterly dread riding. It's the sort of ride that brings you down and makes your heart drop right through you. And for that moment, you thought you lost your heart. There's no particular feeling, except the emptiness in your chest. Some sort of hollowness. Right after that drop comes the adrenaline rush as it takes you fast up and around. And then it drops, and goes up. Over and over again.

Yet there's something about it that makes you keep wanting to ride it time and again. So if Love's akin to a roller-coaster, maybe it's addictive.

But the best part about it is the end.
That you end up safe and sound. And you turn to that friend next to you and smile your biggest grin.

2010-07-29T00:41:00.000+08:00

Okay, so much for the interest in wedding dresses, I think that's gonna have to be on hold for a tad more. Not that I'm having doubts about "The One", it's just why does this darn place that I'm born in have to be so goddamnit pricey! We had this discussion about the future, not all serious, but a casual calculation of finance and money management and it almost freaked me out. How many years am I gonna have to slog my ass off in order to repay my (ridiculously-expensive-and-not-worth-it) study loan in time so the interest rates won't accumulate and rip me of my life? That's only the beginning. I'll probably spend the next decade slogging away just to pay for the downpayment of the roof over my head. I'd like a place that's central so that'll mean it'll cost much more. With the furnishing, decoration and basic household appliances, I'm not gonna have much left! Oh no, there won't be much budget left for the wedding itself. :(

To think I was naively picturing my happy life with the man and 3 little ones running around my dream house furnished with all things pretty, warm and cozy.
Now I probably need to wait 5 years after the marriage before I can even start thinking about taking maternity leave.
Which makes me a 30 odd woman trying to conceive.
omg.
I think I'm entering mid-life crisis now.

Speaking of that, I don't mean to say I've plans to get married and settle down already. I mean, just not yet. But age is catching up on me and at 21, I felt like I unlocked the door to a world of oppurtunities and was overwhelmed by the fresh taste of freedom. At 22, I feel as if the world's burden is coming down on my shoulders. Not yet, but I know it's coming. The freaking moment I graduate. god help me.

wedding gowns

2010-07-24T03:28:00.000+08:00

I'm a sucker for Wedding dresses. The luxury of modern day variety kills me. I could change a million gowns on my wedding day itself. Thank god for Chinese customs, I could probably change a couple for the tea ceremony and Wedding dinner itself. There's something dazzling about the bride on her wedding day. I always wonder to myself when I watch weddings taking place if it's the grandeur of the 1000 dollar dresses that sparkles or the happiness that's bursting out of every single pore of hers.

I fell in love with this one. but i couldn't find a picture of its front. :(

And this, is how I'd like my photoshoot to be like...

Creative, fun and natural.
I can't bear to have my shoot done the typical sg way - in the studio with silly, fake backdrops. Worse, having it done at boring sights like along the Singapore River or Raffles Place.

Oh well, just random thinking on my part. It'll be years before I'm seriously browsing through wedding dress catalogs. :))

okayyy

2010-07-23T03:40:00.000+08:00

okay, so here I am. After a long long time I know. I made a promise to update frequently while I was in Korea and as always, I never kept to my promise. And in the flash of an eye, i'm sitting in the exact spot at home, my cosy corner that i'm so ever familiar with. Despite being away for almost half a year, it almost feels as if I was never away at all. Every spot at home remains the same, a warm sort of feeling that greeted me the first moment I stepped in. But afterwards it all faded away, and now I feel odd. Like everything that happened for the past 5 months was a hazy fragment of my imagination. It's like nothing changed at all. It's the same me, back in the same environment living the same old life that I had.

But i guess not all remained the same. In the half a year that I was gone, it seemed like SG undergone several major changes. I mean, if u were in the country all this time, u probably wouldn't have noticed the changes. But I was honestly surprised by the changed city landmarks, new transportation routes - especially the newly-sprouted mrt stations on the circle line, the emptiness around my neighbourhood because buildings got torn down. Of course, there's the opening of the new casino and other attractions in Sentosa.It's like, how can there it be so different in just merely 5 months?! Is the country like rapidly developing out of a sudden or what?

But i guess changes are inevitable. Things are bound to be a tad different at the very least, I guess nothing ever remains definite. It's only a matter of whether you've ever taken the time to look around and observe, but more often than not, people are too absorbed in their own lives to notice them. Being able to have my exchange at Korea was luck for me. And I'm thankful to have gone for it. Coming back home and facing things that were awaiting me reminded me of how badly I'd always wanted to go away. Things like waiting for the semester to start and the need to find a part-time job so I make myself useful. (but all I want really, is to stay at home and read all day long. but of cos, reading has never been a practical form of recreation) The more pressing issue which I've been dreading and also the bigger reason why I went on the exchange is graduation. And the decisions that follow thereafter, all seem too soon for me.

On a lighter note, the exchange had been an incredible experience. It was nice waking up each day to nice cool weather (despite several bitter winter days) and feeling nice skin and hair on yourself. It's the sort of luxury I never quite experienced in humid Singapore all my life. Just check out the snow. It mostly snowed through Spring! And urghh, my school's supposedly renown for the flower blooms during Spring! So yeah, I missed the beautiful blooms.

Sometimes it could be hard, when I'm missing the variety of food I could get at home, such as tropical fruits like dragonfruits, honeydew, or even fried noodles and chinese soup. It was mostly my stomach that made me homesick. Though i wouldn't complain much, for korean food usually made me a happy girl. I mean, unless u hate spice, or u're on a diet. Or you're anti-asian food. you can't possibly not fall in love with korean food!

But I'd say the experience was made complete with the friends I made. They were the first american friends that I'd truly had the chance to befriend and hang out with. Friends that made me realise singaporean english sounded more ridiculous than I thought it was. And how different the american culture is from ours. Certain friends were hard to let go, but I'm glad to have made the friendship anyway.

Here, I have to specially mention Vicky (whom I also call my wifey) because she's the most amazing person I've ever met. She's the nicest girl of the century and she's so lovable! I wish I could be as nice and sincere as she is, and lucky me to have her as my wifey for the past few months. ^^ She was there to take care of me all the times i'd been weak and fell ill, and bought food for me and remembered me during fun times. Just like a wife should be! I'll always remember how we spent the nights, drinking and noraebang-ing, times with ur roomie and mine. And of course, the crazy Jeju advernture. ^^ Tnx for being there for me. <3
Love u wifey!

And this is my roomie, the person I couldn't bear to leave the most. Initially I had my doubts about bonding with her, for all she did was to appear to drink, get drunk, or bring drunkards back. -_-
But she turned out to be the most awesome Korean friend of all time. We talked through the night almost all the time, about life, love and our goals. We mostly laughed over my pathetic knowledge of Korean language. But she was there for me when I needed her, be it a listening ear, or a korean tutor. ^^
I already miss going to bed with you, Dasom! TT

With my roomie's family (above) and her grandma (below)

Look at how cute her parents are!

And this is when Yong-eun invited us to her house for dinner. (sadly we lost contact shortly after, because she got attached and spent all her time lovey-doveying that none of us got the chance to hang out with her anymore. :)

A visit to Yong-eun's house.

On a side note, I discovered something big about dating in korean culture. It's like, every single freshman's goal is to go on a date and eventually develop into something further. And they even go on matchmaking dinner sessions just to meet new people of the opp. gender. Something that i kept pushing my roomie to go for, but she simply wouldn't cos she said she wasn't a freshman anymore! And most korean males on serve their NS midway thru or after their studies, so the freshmen are like __________. (fill in the blanks)

okay, so here ends the entry.
I'll update more later. if anyone's even reading this anymore, that is. :)

okay, so I'm home now. And what's next?

2010-07-21T01:31:00.002+08:00

I'm home.
But why do I still feel lost?

Everyone seems to be having their own lives.
But why do I feel so odd about my own.

helppppppppp.

the art of articulation

2010-06-15T01:19:00.000+08:00

Staring at this blank page of blog post makes me wonder if I'll be able to articulate myself once again. It's been so long since I've sat down, collect my thoughts together, spend a decent amount of time to reflect upon myself, and pen my thoughts freely.
Thinking back, the last time I diligently wrote was probably a couple of years back. The times when I was in my teens and was full of pride, the times when I took everything so ever seriously and was easily hurt. Perhaps it were the times when I was emotional or I felt like there wasn't anyone i could talk to. And perhaps I haven't felt that way in a long time, hence forgo-ing the need to write. Being together with my namja chingu and tasting romance overwhelmed me for months, and of course spending 4 months in Korea too. Everyday seemed so packed with activities that writing somehow never made it my daily "to-do list".

I don't know why I regained that desire to write now... maybe I've had enough of life here as an exchange, and maybe I'm just waiting for the days to go by so I can move on to another phase of my life. Maybe I'm upset this very moment, I just don't know it. But I have to admit that I don't seem to feel fantastic right now. Maybe i'm pms-ing, maybe I'm homesick, maybe I miss my friends. But in any case, thinking about my friends made me recall Vernon saying once that, "I need some time to myself. I need to reflect upon myself. I need time to reflect." At that one time he said it, it sounded funny for no reason at all, it just seemed appropriate to laugh. But I know it's true. Reflection is what we do from time to time, some people more, some people less. Some people organize them, some people let them flicker at random moments.

I guess I'm both. I try to organize my thoughts, because having them all over the place makes me cranky sometimes. But sometimes I get too caught up with things, it's hard to organize them. I feel like I'm overwhelmed by the numerous activities yet the days seem to pass by like a fleeting moment.

Spending the past 4 months here feels like nothing. Feels like a week has gone by and I was only on a vacation with a bunch of internatinoal friends I never thought I'd make. It was a long and good break, and on my part, it seems like I might have changed. I can't put my finger to what the change exactly is, but I can feel the difference in me. I want to talk about it, but the new me might not be what my friends knew before.

Is it really a changed person here or she's only nervous about going back to reality after her long vacation?

(will continue, i'm too drained from tons of stuff...)

10 days

2010-06-07T23:48:00.001+08:00

Only 10 days away till I leave this place forever. Funny how 10 days before I came I was anxiously counting down and looking forward to this exchange, an exchange I've always dreamed of since I was 14, and now these 10 days seem equally slow. I don't know, maybe I wanted an escapade. maybe I wanted to run away from everything back in Singapore. The hot humid suffocating weather, having to work because it was a school break, and naturally, a break from goddamnit stressful university I come from.

And I would say I got the break I wanted, a nice long break lasting for 6 months. In the land of Korea, the place I've always loved for it's (all-things-pretty) prettiness. And now it's time to go back to reality, back to the life of struggling to get a decent graduate cert, back to the life of an impending career search. But I'm happy to be going home, albeit all the responsibilities waiting for me, I'm glad I'm going home soon. :)

I miss my family, especially my mum and sister. I miss my grandma alot~~~. I miss my friends. I miss my room, I miss my bed. I miss my soft toy piglet. (I wonder how i'm gonna hug piggy and piglet both when I get home) I miss dancing, EXTREMELY x infinity. I miss my thundersis and mj gang, the giggles we share. I miss having supper with bishan-supper-gang, my best friend swt of course. And lastly, I thought I could deal with it, but I'm really starting to miss my namja chingu terribly much~. TT.TT

The biggest part of the downside of being here is not having him with me I guess. It might have been better if I came single, like most people here. Hook up, have a few frivolous flings, go drinking, flirt around and just have fun the way I could never possibly do in Singapore. But I feel kind of restricted, mostly because I know I am accountable to someone, and it's only due respect that I think for him. But I guess I'll take that, because if I hadn't had him, there wouldn't have had been anyone to be there for me through the hard times here.

The weather here has been too much of a bitch to me. Much as I complained about the hot weather in sg, the freezing winter was nothing I ever imagined. Pretty for a couple of weeks and I was starting to dread it. Detest it. F*cking winter that never goes away, bitter cold wind that makes me feel like I've no nose or eyelids. Stupid weather than gave me cold sores on the lip, and tons of other frequent minor sicknesses.

All the times when I was feeling sick and horrible, he was the one for me. The one that waited for me online just to see me everyday, the one that comforted me and told me he loves me. The one that sent me countless things and constantly made my day. And so much more of course. ^^

Some people here seem to not be able to understand. But it's okay. I don't understand alot of the things they do too. I don't know if it's just me, but cultural differences may be interesting at first... but as time goes by, you start to be unable to understand, fathom they way they think. I mean, you simply don't see it. Or maybe cultural difference is merely a word to explain things you don't agree with.
However, ultimately, there are lots of people who share the same cultural background with you and you still don't understand the things they do right? ^^

But i would say I'm glad I still came for this experience. Maybe i feel little frozen in time, and everything back home (where my reality is) is moving on fast without me. I paused and now I just have to pick up from where I left and try to catch up with everyone. Logically speaking, I should have to accelerate much more in order to actually catch up to others. Maybe I'll never do it. Maybe I'll always be a little lagging. And I probably missed a couple of things that will never come by again.
But it's okay.
This memory of being frozen in time may gradually fade away, but some point in my life later, I will think back and still retain traces of it.
^^

Qingfu tells me to come home quick not be faded anymore, come home to be a colour photo again! :)

2010-04-17T18:50:00.000+08:00

At MaGokSa Temple:

Hanboks!

So sorry that I've been so lazy to update. But it's incredible how fast the days pass by day by day...and each time I just feel like there's nothing to say, and yet so much's happening everyday. It's already mid of April right now and I still remember the January days so well...

Oh my brain might be degenerating into a lump of fats now. I can't think and write anymore. TT.TT

Study for now because it's midterms next week!

Wedding dress

2010-04-07T02:14:00.000+08:00

Randomly stumbled onto this picture on the web. Isn't it an awesome dress?

Sunny Singapore. How I ironically kind of miss you now.

2010-04-07T02:05:00.001+08:00

OH, havent been in here for ages, and I really apologize for that. Life's been sorta crazy here in Korea. I can't really adequately put it in words, but in general, I guess I'm starting to settle down and adapt to life here. Like after 6 weeks. haha. I guess I have to admit it was sorta tough right at the beginning, though I really wasn't expecting it. Being independent all these while at home made me believe I was a really strong girl. Maybe I might have grown weaker as I aged, but somehow I wasn't as strong when I first came.

Or maybe it might have been bad luck, becos I was deprived of sleep and rest rushing stuff before I left for korea, and reaching here to find the school more rural than I'd thought, plus a freaking dirty dormitory. If it hadn't been bad enough, I stripped myself in the bathroom for my long-awaited shower only to find the water supply got turned off. -_-" And then period the very next day, and you know how my cramps are.

On top of that, Singaporean accent doesn't make it any better, cos you know only Singaporeans understand Singaporeans even though we speak a universal language - English! (well, who can we blame for it)

But anyway, things are way better right now. In fact, I'm considering to stay one more semester because it's so much fun here! Everyday passes by in an eye's blink and it's already been 6 weeks since I'm here. Funny how at the start I just wanted to go home back in the comfort of my warm bed and boy's arms. I missed my family, dance friends and boy so much. Plus, I was so deprived of dance, it made me real sad. Watching videos on facebook made me miserable. (no kidding) But I'm gonna go look for a studio soon! It's hard, because my sch is freaking 3 hr subway-ride away from Seoul (one-way) and the subway schedule is always all messed up. And my korean's pathetically poor.(neither is their english that fantastic) But I'm gonna try soon!

OH, one more thing to add. The weather's been a bitch to me. It gave me cold sores (aka my relapse of herpes) which is something really gross.So yah, don't even ask me what it is. It makes me upset.

But as of now, I made a couple of good friends! And even got 2 wives here - Vicky and Whitney. And they're awesome girls. <3 My roomie is a korean and she's cool. I'm so lucky to have her as my roomie. So are the girls in my suite! And we have exchanges with korean students, and ~~most~~ some of them are cool. To be honest though, I wished we didnt have the exchanges cos it makes me so tired and so obligated at times. Though I really like some of them! TT.TT

Ok, enough said. I'm tired and I have homework to do. So sleep-time now!

This might be outdated. But I just wanted to post it.
White Day 선물을 받았어. ^^

Till then, goodnight everyone!

2010-03-16T19:34:00.001+08:00

Went for Taekwondo club training today!!!

Friggin awesome! ^^

2010-03-14T00:31:00.002+08:00

Belated entry that was supposed to be on 7th march.

*drum-roll*

TADA!!!!!
Finally arrived!!! YAYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

2010-03-07T17:03:00.000+08:00

Took this off from a postcard on Kimberly's board, it says:

Happiness is like peeing in your pants.
Others can see it, but only you can feel the warmth of it.

Oh, I agree. :))

2010-03-06T23:54:00.000+08:00

Hello!!!
Sorry for the lack of updates since I stepped on the land of Korea... too much has happened and it kinda accumulated over time and now i'm too lazy to start from scratch.. :(

But i'll try kay.
Here are pics from the airport.

Serene gave me a farewell gift which was a necklace with a star on it. nice! because i didn't bring any accessories to korea. thanks sooooo much girl, I really apprecaite it. :))

Razzy sista's farewell gift for me.
aww..... what more can I say.... <3

Friends who sent me off.

My beloved family members. Missing them loads already! TT

Some images of the school that i'm gonna be spending my next 4 months at.

Food is good here. Like you can never get such good authentic korean food in sg, and super cheap at that too! :)) I've eaten enough good food over the last 1 week, that i stopped taking pictures of my meals. But here's a few..

And I made really kind and fun friends here too! Everyone else is american or westerner in some way or another, except for yuxi and I, so it was kinda tough for them to understand us at first (with our singaporean acccent), but i guess they can understand us now, and it's fun being friends with them. :))

I spent the Weekend in Seoul! Went clubbing and shopping and to the palace as well. Clubbing was a horrible experience cos we chose a public holiday to go and it was packed beyond packed. Squashed like sardines and the guys were just super aggressive and keep coming like flies. Clubbing didn't turn out to be a fun experience but shopping was fun! I wanna go back again to shop.

Some pics form seoul...

IT WAS SNOWING!!!!! lightly, but still, its snowwwwwww!!! hahaha

Apart from the fact that I'm down with cold sores now (don't ask me what it is, it makes me sad), everything else here has been fun so far.

I miss my family and friends back home...... alot alot.
And I miss dance.
Havent found a chance to dance here and it makes me feel kinda odd. Like my body feels werid.
And of cos, I miss my bf!
ALOT ALOT ALOT ALOT.
But well, all of these in 4 months' time.
hang in there esther!

Happy 100 days.
And thank for the this wonderful gift. I dont have the frame it here with me in Korea, but the picture is right in front of me right now. :))

2010-02-20T12:05:00.000+08:00

Happy CNY!

The past few days have been nothing but hasty spring cleaning sessions, cleanning, cleaning, cleaning and nothing else but non-stop cleaning. Then it's preparing food for reunion dinner and hosting other people. How do mums do it? Respect.

My mum, especially!

Check out my DIY nails.

Not bad right! For a DIY end product. :))

okay la, actually my sis helped me. Too bad they didn't last more than 3 days because I helped out in cleaning and they got ruined. But pretty for 3 days happy already.

I went visiting at Simon house too. Felt very weird at first w/o him, but so nice of his parents to invite and host me. :)

yay... happy.

There was a farewell steamboat for me organized by Razzy, thanks guys for coming! Appreciate it.

I feel sad that I'm leaving, really. Because most of you would have graduated by the time I'm back. Will we still be able to dance and hang out as much in future? :(

And thanks Rusty for hosting us at his house after the steamboat.

Of course, not forgetting Valentine's day too! This year even though it's the first that I'm spending as an attached, but I really have no complaints that it clashes with the first day of CNY.

WHEE!~

Isn't this bouquet totally awesome? It's soooooo beautiful...

Ok ok, disclaimer first. It's not mine. I koped it from facebook, jiahe's album cos it was too beautiful for me to not save it.

Looks like something you need for an event as important as a proposal. Well... maybe that's what it's meant for. haha

Anyway, just for sharing. :)

My bf sent a parcel over too. What a big parcel right? I excitedly ripped it apart thinking there was something inside for me.

But they turned out to be a shirt for my daddy, a box of eggrolls and a CNY card addressed to everyone in the family.

Nothing for me. :(
Smart, attack from the family first.

But a few days later, I received my own parcel too!! :)) Yayyyy.
HAPPY. HAPPY. HAPPY. :))

performance for good in bed project

2010-02-11T04:38:00.001+08:00

Dance performance for Good in bed project at Zouk. :)

Thanks Ying for the chance to perform at your show. We had much fun.

Probably my last show before I go off to korea... sobs. I wanna do more shows, so anyone, if u got any lobangs, pls let me know!

Ng Chunleen, seriously, aren't you a little too old to be pouting now.
Alright, maybe you ought to....
for screwing up both performances.
lol.

We did the show again at some ntu event. Some occurence resulted in unhappiness but I shall not mention it. What's the point when it's already over and definitely not worth my time and energy talking about it now. Thinking back, I was really annoyed, so annoyed I took it out on Simon. But really, SOAB (not simon, of cos) wasted my time, energy and youth getting angry at him.

We brought up the issue because your (un)professionalism insulted our integrity as performers. But let's just stop at here, because further arguments are redundant when the other party don't have what we call basic manners, much less the professionalism of an event organizer.

Unhappy issues aside, Huiyee paid a visit to ntu and specially came to watch my performance! It's the first time she saw me dance live, so yup, I really appreciate it girl! :)

Eric's surprise bday celebration at Wongkok cafe in Bugis. The food is not too bad and we even got a free bucket of milk tea because we had a bday celebration. Check out the size of it, I call it a bucket for a reason. All for free!

I'm not kidding, it's humongous!

This is how we get service. :)
Effective, I must say!

Is this gross or gross?! haha. These boys, never grow up.

Butterfactory

2010-02-11T03:57:00.001+08:00

Sorry for the overdued entry.
Butterfactory Night last wed with Dory fish, Mervin, Pak, Baohe and Yogi.
I'm not usually a clubber, but I figured it wouldnt harm to go party a little before I leave for korea and since it's wednesday, why not! :)
Wanted to let my hair down and dance, but turned out we drank for 2 over hours danced for less than half an hour. :(

Round 1 of our drinks.

If you think I'm lying when I say I can't drink, I've proof! This was taken after my 2nd cup of alcohol, and I already turned lobsterish with my heart pumping hard out of my chest like it's gonna burst. So friends, don't try to get me to drink in future plssss. :(
I hate feeling like my heart's tearing out of my chest.
And I shall stop playing drinking games cos I really suck at it. I keep losing. :(

But I wasn't the worst that night. Pak. HAHAHAHA. Realise he wasn't in the photos after awhile? Okay, I shall stop here. Don't wanna be so mean as to announce what happened to him. :)

Stacey, I was saving the picture we took on tues when I chanced upon our previous photos! Look how much we've changed!

Year 1

Year 2.

Year 3!

I didn't realise we actually took a picture each year. Isn't it nice? It kinda shows our friendship over the years as coursemates. :) We should take one in yr 4 to complete it!

You've been a great friend all these while, helping me with my work and booking seats for me in lecture/class since yr 1 and panicking with me the day before our exams. I really appreciate all of it!

Take care this sem, and I'll be back so we can take classes together again! :)

All the best with ur *ahem!*

2010-02-07T04:42:00.000+08:00

Snapshot by me...

And snapshot by him.

=)

2010-02-07T03:19:00.002+08:00

Sorry for the lack of updates!

I've been up to some stuff and coming home in the wee hours of the night as of late. When I get home, I just can't wait to plop my head onto my pillow and wander off to dreamland. Everyday I just feel ultra lethargic because I sleep at unearthly hours and hence, waking up in the noon. But I guess it's the inappropriate sleeping hours that makes my head spin and feel heavy despite having a decent amount of sleep. But well... it's been worthwhile cos I've been meeting up with old friends in the day and doing my "babysitting" job at night, then occasional suppers with friends, and of cos, webcamming with my boyfriend if he's still awake when I reach home.
Who cares about the late-night sleeping. :)

And with my brandnew casio camera, why not just let it do the talking.

Awesome hawker food at Maxwell. I loved the hainanese curry rice albeit pretty overpriced, but absolutely yummylicious (could it be cos I'm a hanianese? lol) but Doris loved the fish soup. But anyway, authentic local food satisfaction fulfilled before I arrive in kimchi-land and she, in hamburgers/steak-land!

Starbucks as Dor promised me. Thank you for sharing this little treat. :)
Then facial afterwards. Super soothing and relaxing to be lying there, I was already greeting my sleep, when she started on my face and it was nothing but a word - pain. But well, you gotta pay a price for beauty I guess. Felt a bit of pinch on my wallet but heck it, pamper myself once in a while can't hurt too much.

Lunched at Coffee Club with Sze Wing because we couldn't get a seat at Soup Spoon (disappointed) and it tasted alrightttt. But nvm la, our purpose in meeting was to catch up and chat more than having lunch, so yeah.

But nonetheless, happy that we finally met up! This sem's gonna be different since we're both going away and won't be taking the same mods together, nor dying together during exams period. But next sem it shall be! :)

Pretty girl, isn't she!

Met up with these girls as well, one my sec sch buddy and the other my jc buddy, but very nicely became good friends together cos of work. It still feels just as nice as before, and I get this odd feeling that none of us grew up, despite the years that have gone by.

Oh no. I'm afraid of aging. But it feels terribly strange to me that we still so ridiculously childish as ever. lol.

Dimsum at

Ah yong's 21st with a purple theme.
Nice and food was awesome. But they had CNY decorations in the restaurant that made it seem more like a wedding dinner than a 21st party. What more with Alex around. :)
And her daddy sang her a song and specially changed the lyrics so it's exclusively dedicated to her.
awwww.... how sweet! My dad would only know how to sing Fei yuqing's songs. :(

I saw Thaipusam ceremony on my way back at Dhoby Ghaut! My first time experiencing it, so I was like, jaw-dropped all the way. haha. But honestly impressed, really.

2010-01-29T03:25:00.000+08:00

Lunched with Stacey when I went back to school on Wednesday. Short as it was, but we managed to catch up quite abit. Hm.. but i still want another meet-up before I go, okay? :)

I'm like friggin' tired this week. So tired I dream all sorts of weird stuff at night. You know it happens when you're too physically drained in the day so when you sleep, you don't really get a proper rest and your mind ends up being crazily active? Yes, it's exactly that way.
Last night I dreamt I was having prac for the zouk show and suddenly some NUS dance friends I know came and joined in the prac. And I immediately panicked cos that would mean we'd have to split the performance money into like 10 plus people. :X
And lots of other weird stuff like me taking a sampan boat down a river and having to pick up random items along the course in order to "finish" it.
Seriously, what is wrong with me.

Shared Vernon and my collabo today with MJ.
Rushed... but yay. Last sharing until 6 months later till I come back.
Waiting for RS's next. But shucks, super nervous!

*
misses. :(

2010-01-27T01:55:00.000+08:00

Farewell dinner with baby's family.

On the way to airport... And still waiting for Hongyun's nicer pictures!

M's 21st. Finally my dongsaeng is grown up! Hope u liked the toy camera we bought you. :)

And thank you for the great bash~!

We look like we're advertising, don't we!

Great fun that day.
I feel awesome bumming around and not having to worry about attending lessons in stupid N*U.

Bugis-ed with Dory abalone today. :)
It's been so long since I spent quality girl time with a good friend. And what more, it's dory!
Not to mention spent quite a sum too. I can feel the heart pain each time I take out a note from my wallet. :(
I'm desperately in need of money because of the exchange but there are just some things you need to buy...

Like the pretty flower hair clip! Isn't it uber beautiful?
Doris say we look like best friends donning similar outfits, but I say we look more like bridesmaids. lol.

And no, I didn't photoshop the picture, the sun happened to be reflecting its ray onto my face through a glass panel that's why my face looks like it's bursting with glow. I didn't DI the picture!

Good time today, despite my fatigue and aching feet from work.
Meet up at least one more time, to have our Starbucks coffee. You promised me you'll save it for me. :)WHEE~

2010-01-25T23:29:00.004+08:00

Hi all, sorry for the lack of updates!
I've been in hibernation since October due to various unforseen circumstances but I've really been wanting to update all these while. It's just that much has happened over these few months that I didn't really know where to start from. But after chancing upon a long-lost-touched dear friend's blog, and realizing how good a tool for update blogs can be, the guilt for abandoning this site sort of started nagging at me. And I intend to use this to keep my friends and family up to date while I'm away in Korea. So dear all, yeah, I promise to update as often as possible. =)

Okay, first news of all. Yes, I am going away to Korea for exchange!!! Friends who know me well enough would probably know that this is like dream come true. :) I've been wanting to study in Korea since I was in my teens and now I really get to go for real. I'll be leaving on 21st February and I'll be more than happy to have friends coming to send me off. So please do if you'd like to. :)
I'll be there till around July... and hopefully I won't be too busy or lazy to blog while I'm there! I'd like to be able to attend one of the concerts and be a fangirl for once. SNSD or SS501. *switch on fangirl mode*
Okay, and a must-do, is to take dance lessons...and come back with a level-upped nice korean groove.

I desperately need a new direction in dance. I feel.... stucked. And stagnant. :( Oh wells, let's not talk about that.

Okay, 2nd update.
I have a brand new look!
Impulsively chopped off my hair because the curls were getting out of control and it was tiring having to wait for it to dry after my late-night baths. So there, I chopped it all off. Really regretted it for a while because everyone I met went like "why so short!". But heck, I like how it feels funky to me. Plus, it's like the latest trend!
I really like how light it feels on my head now. Apart from not knowing what to do with the remaining of my curls hair cream, everything's just great.

And guess what?

Muriel says:
Haha!! Oh! And i juz realize ur hair looks like boa's hairstyle now! Nice~

Does it, does it?!

Alright, 3rd piece of news.

Drum-roll pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee.

....

...

Everyone please meet my dearest beloved... long-awaited boyfriend.

May be a tad abrupt for some of you, but yeah, he's the one. :)
If you refer to my previous post, yeah....you'll know now what I was talking about.
Actually I never meant to be public about the relationship. It's not that I was ashamed or anything, but it's more of like the uncertainties of stepping into a relationship at its initial stage, and you're pretty sure being public about it means people are bound to be judgemental and have something to say. And being me, I was worried about others judging me, or him. And I would want neither. Also, being together meant spending less time on the internet (which was what I did as a single) and I could hardly be bothered to pen down my happiness in words.
But I recently chanced onto Yiwen's blog, which I havent read in ages (being a bad friend).. and I realised that she's also happily attached! (Yiwen, I'm honestly very very happy for you! You seem so happily in love, and really, you deserve someone who treats you so well. And Stacey too. Geex, I really can't say more how happy I am for both of u. No, 3 of us!) Okay, anyway I was saying that Yiwen mentioned something about hecking all these insecurities, becos she's so in love and something along that line la. And yes, I feel exactly the same way. Plus, everyone close to me already know anyway. For those aren't close and are only interested in juicy gossips, go ahead, I'm not bothered anyway.

I feel like I've never felt this way about someone before. He makes me feel... special. For once, I feel so strongly about someone.
I was talking to Meiying last night and we ended up chatting for forever as I gave her an almost detailed update about our story. And all the initial feelings that have been obscured by the recent ones came rushing back to me. As I talked to her about our beginning, I suddenly realised how much I treasure our relationship now.
I remember all those times when I first felt for him, first felt my heart skip a beat, when I first found myself catching another glance at him, the first date, the dating period, how we got together, our first holding hand experience, first kiss, etc... suddenly all of it came rushing back to me.
Even though we've been together for a mere 3 months, all of these feels so far away and distant now. Because I spend my every moment possible with him, i feel like it's been forever already.
Updating my sec sch best buddy served as a reminiscence for me... for everything that happened between us. Thinking back upon them now, it all seems so sweet and lovely. =)
I miss those times, but first-times are first-times for a reason, you can't go back to them, and that's why they're so special.
They make me appreciate all that we have now.

Now he's in Hong Kong for exchange, so it's gonna be a long-distance relationship for us. It's gonna be tough, but I've mentally prepared myself for what's in store. Some people don't make it through, some people don't believe in it. I have no gurantees because nothing is certain, but all I know is, anything is possible, if you want it to be. =)

Btw, to potato tweetying, it was great catching up with you that day. Feels like the old times that was somehow lost, but we found it back again.
Still my buddy, no matter what. =)

2009-10-31T16:40:00.005+08:00

Happy Halloween.

And something else. =)

우리의 사랑은 지금부터 시작된다.

2009-10-22T11:02:00.004+08:00

An An is an inspiration. Truly one to me. =))

And yay, I'm happy I took the chance to choreo. Nothing really fantastic, but I'm happy because stooffi told me 'as long as people tell you they enjoy doing your steps, you jiu chenggong le." And thank you, to all who turned up and earnestly learnt my choreo. Nothing can mean more to me, honestly. =))

Dancing, should be for yourself, for your own body. Dancing is not about the steps, it's about the music, and YOU. How you react to the music ought to be something that comes internally, a genuine sincerity in wanting to respond to the music. Is it really really important for every dancer to dance it like the choreographer? I used to think that dancers that do it differently weren't doing justice to the choreography. But honestly, why should you have to do justice to someone else when it's you who's dancing?

Dance, should be for yourself.
FEEL it with your soul.
And groove.
Enjoy.
=)

If you're not enjoying the song the music, then what are you dancing for?

2009-10-15T03:17:00.002+08:00

Because I love her so...

Happy 84th granny.
You're the one I love the most. <3

2009-10-12T19:01:00.002+08:00

Because I am so lazy to write...
There you go.

IDOL ELLEN KIM!!!
(don't we both look somehow related? yes, i've got korean look too. heee)
She's awesomeeeee... super dope but absolutely no airs at all.
My inspiration~

Because dear yx doesn't know hw to upload photos, these are the only ones I have..
Meiying's birthday bash. =)

2009-10-09T04:02:00.003+08:00

Taken from facebook's newsfeed:

Stephanie Phua

SocialInterview.com asked me "What does Esther Han look for in a partner?"

I answered: "ehhhhhheheheheheh so qiao why this qn come out. someone who will be there for her, treat her well, TAKES INITIATIVE, can dance, cute, appreciates her for who she is and has a silent sort of strength in him.
correct not?"

Well, I've never really thought about this... but yeah, perhaps she knows better.

*
Esthee says:
u can give 100% loyalty to her ..
and that is of cos, needless to say
when u're in a relationship
if u consider other girls, den u are a bastard and of cos u dont deserve true love
so 100% loyalty is confirm necessary
but i think u shdnt give 100% of urself away
meaning u dun put ur entire life and future on the relationship

Esthee says:
always bear in mind that u're just dating
both of u have a future unknown to either
u're trying things out tgt, and if it doesnt work out, means u're not meant to be
if it doesnt work out, take ur heart back.. and take it as a process in life
ur wife is the person u shd give ur 100% heart to

Esthee says:
cos she's the one u're sure u will be building ur future tgt with
and both of u are sure of it

Does this make any sense?

Essays suck

2009-10-07T01:50:00.002+08:00

It's the time of the year again, which is increasingly becoming more and more frequent, and I'll term it as 'Essay-time'.

They suck.

Yes, they do.

They suck your soul out of you.

My eyes are dry because they deprive me of sleep. And even when I do, I don't sleep peacefully because the darn essay question is haunting my mind searching for a decent interpretation.
And it's bad when your brain is drained and your eyes are dry. :(

Ahhhhh.. okay, stop whining now.

*
I wanna watch 500 days of Summer. Anyone? =))

Mid Autumn

2009-10-04T18:00:00.003+08:00

It's 中秋节 and in the midst of having mooncakes and thinking about "Mid-Autumn Festival", it suddenly struck me that half of autumn's gone and winter's arriving. Not that the seasons mean anything special here in Singapore, but it simply means that the year is coming to an end. Shucks... and it's a year flown by yet again.

:(

I'm reluctant for time to pass.

Cos every minute that goes by, is gone forever.

*
On a lighter note, recess week was good. =)) Short, but pretty well spent.
MJ chalet took up half of it, but it was worth the time. It was really really heartwarming to see everyone doing so well for the battle. So much for all the stress... eventually everyone was dope! =)) Mine wasn't, but it's really nice to see everyone being so awesome, especially the ~~juniors~~ seniors.
Oh well.. time to start adjusting to them being seniors. And of cos, the late night horror story-telling and falling asleep together with your friends. =)

The rest of the week...
I don't know what to make out of it.

But I should think it was good?

okay, stop thinking now.

2009-10-03T13:39:00.002+08:00

I'm still in denial of school work.

This sucks. :(

2009-10-02T01:42:00.001+08:00

어제 밤에 ...

조금 조금 조금 (just a little bit)

행복해.. ^^

2009-09-30T09:53:00.002+08:00

Xuehui's class was seriously dopeeeeeeeeeeee.
We struggled with the choreo (and yes, you can see us struggling in the video) but I really can't help but share this wonderful routine!

Inspired to choreo such nice sleak moves yo. =)

2009-09-28T01:21:00.003+08:00

Don't we more often than not find ourselves falling prey to love?

There are so many types of affections we have, all of which most of us label as 'Love'.
Is any form of tender affection considered as 'love'?

I think..
LOVE really is one big, vague umbrella word.

It's not that we cannot find the right expression...
or maybe it is ...
For we can't even differentiate it in our hearts.

If only love could work in it's simplest form - love as love itself, will we all be slightly happier beings?

I choose to think that not every relationship is meant to work out.
Because there's only space for one special person.
Please remind me when I do get my heart broken.

*
If loving another results in loving oneself lesser,
Is it still worthwhile to love the other?

Now I can't tell the difference between compromising and changing yourself.

*
On a side note, I <3 my unnie~ like no other!

Mid Autumn Festival

2009-09-27T17:08:00.000+08:00

It was Hall 1's Mid Autumn Festival and it got the Unific spirit back for us. =)

Unific reunion + Swensen's ice-cream mooncake + paper lanterns + sparklers
makes Esther a tad happier girl.
=))

hello

2009-09-27T04:42:00.001+08:00

Hello world, I'm back to public blogging because private blogging makes me too emotionally attached, it's bad for health. How ironic, I remember turning to private blogging because I thought it was time to strip myself of the external image, which is inevitably unavoidable when you present yourself to others. But now I realise that facing my inner-self too much is quite unhealthy (for I turn out to be much more emotionally unstable that I expected), I thought it'll be better to stay bubbly. =)

I guess the private one will still stay, to serve as the hideout that I need occasionally. But hopefully this new avenue will help me be more positive because I know that's how I like to present myself to others.

Life's been hectic as usual, with Dancetitude a load off my chest but I just don't seem to be able to stop dancing, as well as the school semester resuming all over again. School seems to be taking it's toll on me as always, which is absolutely unfathomable because I believe I'm acting as though in denial of school. Oh well, just the sight of the pile of unsorted notes makes my heart heavy. Even when I file them neatly, I really don't know where to start from.
So much for being resolute each semester to buck up on my intellect.
Shall work hard, starting from today. =))

Xuanzi told me that she feels life and death is all predestined. I sort of agree, because somehow it makes me feel better that someone else has decided your life for you. In a sense, should anything happen to you, you need not be responsible for it. A friend of mine left due to a very unfortunate accident, and it got me to think deeply about life for a very long time. As I thought about things, I wept quite abit.. for him and for myself.

It saddens me that life could be so fragile, and so vulnerable, when at the same time we are capable of such humanity and vitality. We spend all our lives busying with something everyday, and at the end of it, we find ourselves leaving this place taking none of what we achieved while alive. People spend their entire lives seeking academic achievements, career successes, to be part of society's norm, but what do these achievements matter on the deathbed? You cry when someone dies because memories of you two fill your mind, and you think about what you would say to him/her if he/she could still hear you. You whisper to words you want to say deep inside yourself while looking at the body, wishing they might somehow hear you, or perhaps due to cowardice because you're afraid others will hear these heartfelt words.

Funny, how we do it only when someone dies.

Would things be different if we all spoke our heartfelt words to each other everyday?

I doubt so, because we never will.
No matter how many loved ones it takes to lose...
Our pride will always stand in the way.

But as qf puts it, how much is one's pride worth?

I was honest to myself. But I guess that's not enough to make a difference.

Uh uh, that wasn't an emo post and I wasn't being ironic.
It was purely an honest entry. =)

purpose of blog: To not dwell but appreciate things in life and note down every little thing that puts a smile on my face. =)
(do remind me again if I fail to do so)